Parent therapy is for families where the challenges have become more complex or entrenched. Perhaps you experience many conflicts in the family, perhaps the relationship between you as adults is under pressure, or perhaps contact with your child has become difficult. It may also be that your child is not thriving or is reacting in ways that worry you, and that as parents you have become unsure about how best to understand and help.
Often things are connected. When a child is struggling, it affects the parents and the relationship between them – just as what happens between the adults can have significance for the child. Over time, patterns can arise in the family where everyone's reactions affect one another, and where the family can become stuck, even though everyone is actually trying to make things better.
In parent therapy, we therefore work not only with the concrete challenge, but with the relationships and dynamics surrounding it. Together we explore what is happening between you, what may lie behind your child’s reactions, and what is happening in you as parents when something becomes difficult. We are curious about both the child’s and the adults’ perspectives and about the patterns that may have emerged over time.
Why work with the parents?
Children develop in relation to their closest adults. At the same time, they depend on us and do not have the same opportunities as adults to change the relationships and frameworks they are part of.
That is why we can often create meaningful change for the child by working with us adults. When we as parents become better at understanding both the child’s reactions and what is happening in ourselves, we get the opportunity to meet the child differently. And when one part of the family’s interaction changes, it will often affect the rest of the family.
For that reason, parent therapy takes place with you parents as a starting point, without the child present. Here there is room to explore what is difficult, without the child needing to be part of the conversation or experience responsibility for the family’s challenges.
Parent therapy is not about finding fault or assigning blame. Most patterns arise for good reasons and as attempts to handle something that has been difficult. Instead, therapy is about understanding them – and from there creating new ways of being together.
A typical process
- We create an overview of your family’s situation and what you experience as difficult
- We explore the patterns and dynamics you experience getting stuck in
- We work on understanding both the child’s and your own reactions
- We look at the relationship between you as parents, when relevant
- You gain new perspectives and the opportunity to try other ways of meeting situations
- We follow the changes that occur along the way and adjust together
- The process is rounded off when you experience that you once again have a better opportunity to handle what was previously difficult on your own
Approach
In parent therapy, we start from what is happening in your family here and now. Often we work with concrete situations from everyday life – the moments when conflicts arise, contact becomes difficult, or when you as parents feel that you are reacting in ways you do not actually want.
Together we explore what is happening in you and between you in those situations. We are curious about what may lie behind your child’s reactions, but also about the feelings, thoughts and experiences that are activated in you as parents. Sometimes our own experiences and relational patterns can influence how we react – without us being aware of it ourselves.
My work is based on attachment, mentalization and a systemic understanding of the family. This means that we do not look for who is the problem, but try to understand the interaction that has arisen. When we become wiser about what is happening between us, we also gain more opportunities to do something differently.
The goal is for you to gain a greater understanding of both your child and yourselves as parents – and for this understanding to be translated into new ways of meeting each other in everyday life. Along the way, you will therefore also be able to take concrete perspectives and tools home with you, which you can try out between sessions.
